Qin Youyou slowly drank his water, not bothering to look at Chen Yushen. Chen Yushen’s red eyes watched him. After a long time he said, “I’m sorry…”

“It doesn’t matter.” Qin Youyou responded.

Chen Yushen’s nose winged and he turned his head. Qin Youyou picked at the various dishes and slowly ate. The plate Chen Youshen had given him remained untouched.

Chen Yushen calmed down. “Are you currently working at that studio? I heard from Xu Yang you’ve already passed the self-study exams. What are your plans for the future?”

Qin Youyou put down his chopsticks and took a sip of water. “Continue working there for the time being. The self-study exams are finished and I’m waiting to receive my diploma next year. As for after that, I’ll still have to see.”

“If you’re willing, I can help you to find a good job, something easy and relaxing. I’ve been there a few times and it feels like your work is tiring…”

Qin Youyou stared fixedly at him for several seconds.

Chen Yushen realised his words were really not appropriated and stopped himself from continuing.

“Chen Yushen…” Qin Youyou was looking at him. “Back then, even if you had given me a slither of assistance, had pulled me along a little bit, I wouldn’t have fallen into that situation.”

Chen Yushen bit his lower lip. “I’m sorry…”

“‘I’m sorry’—those words, do they have meaning to you or me?” Qin Youyou glanced at him. “Do you know how I’ve managed to survive until today? How I was able to send my mother to a sanitorium? Do you know how much the fees for the self-study fees are, and how I managed to afford it back then?”

Chen Yushen’s words stuck in his throat.

“You don’t know. And because you don’t know, that’s why you can so easily say the words ‘I’m sorry’. Chen Yushen, do you understand? I said it doesn’t matter—that doesn’t mean forgiveness. It doesn’t matter is because it’s too late, it’s pointless. Your apology, in the face of everything I’ve gone through, is absolutely worthless.”

“Youyou…”

Chen Yushen couldn’t control himself—he reached out and covered the back of Qin Youyou’s hand. His tone was pleading. “You don’t have to forgive me, Youyou. You just tell me what you want me to do to make you feel even a little better and I’ll do it. You can tell me about what happened to you in the past and I’ll listen. I want to know everything you’ve been—”

“Pfft!” Qin Youyou snorted and ripped his hand away. “I don’t think you’d dare to listen, Chen Yushen. Let me advise you not to take responsibility for things you can’t, just like how back then you couldn’t take responsibility for a relationship between us. Right now, you don’t even dare admit your sexuality—why do you think you could possibly help me with anything?”

Chen Yushen’s eyebrows shot up, his eyes turning red again.

Qin Youyou sipped his water. “If I’m not mistaken, your family still thinks even now that it was me, this pervert, who seduced you back then. Did you admit it to your mother those years ago? That it was you who bent me back then?”

Chen Yushen’s head drooped.

Qin Youyou stared at him for a long while. And finally, unable to bear it anymore, his eyes reddened.

He looked towards the window and stared at it for some time. “It’s on me, for allowing myself to be so easily bent. I’m not blameless—I trusted you, I liked you. But I won’t have anything to do with you anymore. Chen Yushen, I really… I don’t want to see you again, not even a little. Don’t look for me again. Don’t destroy my life again. I said I don’t hate you, and that’s because I don’t want waste any emotions on you. Not even hatred.

“What I’ve endured to get here today was not easy. You will never understand what I went through. I do regret meeting you. But since regret is useless, I can only hope to never repeat my past mistake again. In the future, I never want to meet you again.”

“I’ll admit I’m gay, Youyou. I am.” Chen Yushen suddenly raised his head. “I’ll admit that back then it was me who bent you, me who coaxed you to get together with me. After what happened, I was a shameless coward. I said I had nothing to do with you. I watched you suffer humiliation and bullying. I’m no better than a beast… But Youyou, do you know? I also suffered a lot… Back then, I didn’t have a single good day… You don’t know how much I missed you. Every time I thought about you the pain in my heart was excruciating. I’ve been looking for you since then, to make up for it… I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I can’t let it go. I really…”

Chen Yushen’s voice was choked up with emotion. “You don’t know how when Xu Yang told me he ran into you, the feeling in my heart was indescribable… I feel like the heavens had finally given me the opportunity. I finally got to see you again… Youyou…”

He probably feels really bad, if it’s not all an act, Qin Youyou thought. The person right now who looks like his heart is being ripped out, or the person from years ago who stood motionless like a mountain outside the administration office—which one is the real Chen Yushen, and which one is the one stirred my heart?

Qin Youyou slowly got up, his face pale and his lips trembling as he looked at Chen Yushen. He’d subconsciously started to cry. Tears streamed down his face, dripping down on the front of his jacket.

“Chen Yushen,” he said. “Don’t let me see you again. I never want to see you ever again.”