That morning, Chen Yushen called quite early to make plans for the dinner that evening, and asked Qin Youyou if he could come pick him up from the neighbourhood. Qin Youyou agreed.

The two exchanged a few more words, with Qin Youyou’s tone of voice being flat. He hung up the phone and turned to look at Wei Dong.

Wei Dong was silently looking at him. The two of them faced each other, with Wei Dong the first to lower his head and continue swiping on his phone.

Wei Dong’s mind was already completely disordered. The past two days, his scrunched eyebrows had not relaxed, and the anxiety and unease had suffused his entire body, becoming increasingly obvious and uncontrollable.

Qin Youyou had remained unfazed throughout the entire call. He went through the motions calmly and methodically.

Maybe it’s because his heart had turned cold and he didn’t care about anything. Wei Dong felt this calmness had an inexplicable cruelty to it, and it left him feeling helpless. He felt as if he was voluntary lying on an operating table, while Qin Youyou was a surgeon who was already indifferent to his suffering, holding on to a sharp scalpel and cutting into his heart with an expressionless face.

Wei Dong was in great pain, but he couldn’t utter a word.

He was at a complete loss of what to say.

The atmosphere at home was so stifling it was almost impossible to breathe. The stark contrast in Qin Youyou’s attitude from before to this made it difficult for Wei Dong to adapt. He reminisced about the kid who used to stick to him as soon as he came home, soft and warm, pulling him around and chattering incessantly. And now? Wei Dong looked at his delicate and silent face, and a trace of helpless suddenly began to emerge from his disconcerted heart.

He liked those sparkling eyes that would always look at him, drinking in the warm and sweet daily life from before. The moment he started thinking of those times, Wei Dong became frantic and every breath seemed like it weighed a thousand kilograms on his chest.

“Can… Can you not go?” he asked. After finishing his depressing lunch, Wei Dong took a wet wipe and cleaned his hands.

Qin Youyou was tidying up. When he heard this, he paused and look at him. “Why?”

Wei Dong remained silent for a while. Seemingly like he’d made a huge decision, he whispered, “I don’t want you to go.”

A few simple words were all it took to shake Qin Youyou’s heart.

With Wei Dong’s temperament, it was unknown what kind of mental jumps he went through to muster the courage to say this. In the past—even if he didn’t approve—he would never interfere, or only give a little “you can think it over.” But now he spoke candidly to Qin Youyou: I don’t want you to go.

Qin Youyou couldn’t help but be moved. Even with his stubbornness and refusal to back down, he still managed to say these words, and it moved Qin Youyou in an instant. But he wasn’t certain if this level of honesty and compromise was enough, so he asked again, “Why?”

Wei Dong frowned and managed to speak with great difficulty, “… Don’t get too close to him… He’s not suitable.”

Qin Youyou remained unperturbed as he stacked the dishes together and held them up. “Then who is suitable? Are you suitable?” As soon as he finished speaking, he turned around and walked out.

Wei Dong clenched his jaw, watching his back. “Don’t talk like that.”

“It doesn’t sound right?” Win Youyou looked back, his eyelashes quivering. “Between breaking up or speaking like this, which is worse? And anyway, I spoke the truth—if it wasn’t you, it doesn’t matter who else it was, they wouldn’t have been suitable.”

The two of them regarded each other, then Qin Youyou turned around indifferently, carrying the crockery back to the kitchen.

If he had remained a second longer, he wouldn’t have been able to pretend anymore. Qin Youyou knew that he was forcing the calm exterior, when in truth, he was running away in defeat.

Wei Dong’s eyes made him unable to continue looking at him.

Wei Dong was in too much pain. His mouth opened but he couldn’t get any words out, but the overwhelming pain surged up and it gushed out of his eyes, and there wasn’t even any time to cover it up.

In that instant, Qin Youyou wanted to run up to him, hold him tightly, latching on to his neck, to hold his face and cry loudly.

He stood in front of the sink for a bit, forcefully pushing down the stinging of his eyes, unwilling to see the redness in Wei Dong’s eyes.

It’s been so long, and so many tears had already been cried. Crying isn’t going to fix the issue, and Wei Dong won’t change his mind just because he cried some more—he’s tried before and it didn’t work.

He needs to find a different way.

When Chen Yushen called that evening, Qin Youyou had already prepared dinner. After answering the phone, he brought the food to Wei Dong. “When you’re finished, just leave it here. I’ll tidy it up when I get back.”

Wei Dong watched as he filled up a glass of water and placed it on the bedside table, washed some fruit and also put it next to him, and then placed the water basin and towel within reach.

“If I come back too late, you can go to sleep first. Don’t brush your teeth, just wipe and rinse your mouth. I’ll put the bedpan at the foot of the bed if you need to use it, and I’ll clean it up when I come back.”

Wei Dong glanced at him, his eyes a faint red. “You’re just going to leave me alone like this at home?”

Qin Youyou thought quietly for a moment. “I’ll come back as soon as possible.”

“Don’t go, Youyou…” Wei Dong’s voice was hoarse. His gaze made Qin Youyou’s heart tremble as he saw it.

But Qin Youyou forced down the choking sensation. “Nope, he’s already waiting. It’s not good to stand people up[1].” He laughed.

“Besides, I’ve already taken his money—I owe him, and you know I can’t say no right now.”

Wei Dong’s eyes turned even redder. “I’m sorry… It’s my fault…”

Qin Youyou spoke. “Don’t think too much. You should calm down; a good attitude is needed to heal your injuries. And in any case, you always wanted me to leave and find someone else, so this is fine. Don’t concern yourself over me.”

Wei Dong turned his face away, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. After a long time he said, “I don’t want this…”

Qin Youyou stood still.

Wei Dong didn’t speak again.

Qin Youyou waited for a bit until he was certain he wasn’t going to say anything further. Then he turned around and walked to the wardrobe to grab a jacket.

“I’m leaving,” he said.

Wei Dong didn’t reply.

“If you have a problem, you can call me.” Qin Youyou added.

He stood waiting for almost a minute. Wei Dong remained leaning against the headboard, not moving. Qin Youyou turned around and walked out.

The sound of shoes being changed came from the entry way, then the door opened.

Wei Dong closed his eyes.

The door closed with a click.

Chen Yushen’s car was parked outside the entrance of the neighbourhood and he saw Qin Youyou coming out from the distance. He quickly opened the door and got out the car.

“Youyou! Over here!” he smiled as he lifted his arm.

Qin Youyou saw him. His mouth curved slightly as he started walking in his direction.

Chen Yushen had dressed casually for this meeting, but one could see he’d taken great care with his appearance. He walked around the car and opened the passenger door and asked with a smile, “I haven’t inconvenienced you?”

“You haven’t,” Qin Youyou responded. “Thank you.” He sat down and pulled out his phone to have a look, then held it in his hand.

Chen Yushen started the car and they drove off.

The entire way Qin Youyou was reserved. He sat upright with his face turned slightly to the window.

Chen Yushen knew he didn’t want to make small talk, but after seeing how he’d looked at his phone several times, he couldn’t help himself. “Is he alone at home?”

Qin Youyou hummed in acknowledgement.

“Is this okay? Are you in a rush to get back?”

“It’s fine.” Qin Youyou answered.

Chen Yushen glanced at him and didn’t ask anything further.

They arrived at the restaurant and were guided into a private room by a server. Chen Yushen had already ordered the dishes in advance and told the waiter, “You can bring out the food now, and I’ll trouble you to do it as fast as possible.”

“Will do,” the server said as he poured them water and withdrew.

Chen Yushen took off his coat and hung it over the back of his chair, smiling as he spoke. “I’ve ordered everything according to your preferences. A few of the dishes are the restaurant’s signature dishes. I didn’t know if you’d like them, so we can try them together.”

“Okay, thank you,” Qin Youyou said.

“There’s no need for you to thank me, Youyou. That you agreed to share dinner with me has made me so happy.”

Qin Youyou smiled but didn’t say anything, he just lowered his head to look at his phone.

Chen Yushen could see he was preoccupied, but he also didn’t want to make him feel uneasy, so he deliberately didn’t make conversation. The two of them sat in silence until the food was served.

“Give it a taste,” Chen Yushen took a set of chopsticks and put several dishes in front of him. “I remember you preferred lighter dishes before, but it’s been so many years and I don’t know if you still…” He suddenly closed his mouth and nervously looked at Qin Youyou’s face.

Qin Youyou’s expression was normal. He thanked him and picked up the chopsticks.

“Before” was before. In the after, he’d found himself homeless and couldn’t even expect to decent meals regularly. Thinking about if he preferred lighter dishes to heavier ones was not something he had done for a long time.

He took a few bites of the food. Lifting his head, he smiled. “It’s delicious.”

Chen Yushen’s eyes tingled. He gazed at Qin Youyou and nodded his head. “That’s good, then.”

Halfway through their dinner, Qin Youyou’s heard the message tone of his phone. He paused, then put down his chopsticks to pick up the phone.

It was a message from Wei Dong.

—Youyou, can you come back?

Qin Youyou stared at the words, momentarily lost in thought.

“Youyou?”

“Hmm?” He lifted his head. Chen Yushen put down the soup ladle and moved a small bowl in front of him. “Try this soup.”

“… Okay.”

Qin Youyou put his phone to the side and picked up the soup bowl, drinking slowly.

Chen Yushen smiled a little helplessly. “You don’t need to drink all of it. Leave some space for the food.”

Qin Youyou took a serviette and wiped his mouth, a bit embarrassed, but he didn’t say anything.

“Is there something on your mind?” Chen Yushen looked at him. “Can you tell me about it? If there’s a chance I can help you, I want to.”

Qin Youyou scooped up a spoonful of the silky and tender tofu and put it in his mouth. He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Did I pick a bad day for our meeting? If you’re feeling bad, is it because of me?”

Qin Youyou didn’t look at him. As he put down his spoon to say no, his phone sounded again.

—How can I apologise so that you won’t be angry anymore?

Chen Yushen took a sip of his tea and then quietly put the cup down. He looked at Qin Youyou’s paled face. “What’s wrong?”

Qin Youyou lowered his head, furiously blinking his already reddened eyes. “It’s nothing.” As he spoke he looked down at his phone and replied.

—It’s got nothing to do about apologising. And I’m not angry.

Then he put his phone on silent, tossed it to the side, and continued to eat without looking at it again.

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[1] 鸽子 gezi – the literal word is pigeon, but it’s slang for ghosting/standing someone up. Chinese slang is fun