The next morning when Wei Dong walked back in carrying breakfast, Qin Youyou woke up and looked around with a dazed expression.

Wei Dong washed his hands and then walked over to rub his face for a moment. “I have to go to work. If you don’t need to rush off you can sleep some more. When you leave, just remember to lock the door.”

“Mm.”

Wei Dong changed his shoes and left.

Qin Youyou wasn’t sleepy. He sat up and, slowly holding onto his knees, he stared blankly for a while.

Last night those words had already been spoken. He never thought he would have had thick enough skin to say that out loud.

But Wei Dong actually didn’t feel that way towards him, that much was apparent. After all, he himself was only someone who had been selling himself for money.

Wei Dong only needed a physical draining, not a boyfriend. And especially not a picked up off the street, filthy boyfriend.

But then why did he silently extend a helping hand when he saw his situation? Qin Youyou thought, it probably stemmed from sympathy—after all, they are both the same kind of person. Wei Dong has experienced the difficulties of being gay. But what Qin Youyou experienced was a hundred times worse.

His situation really would make one wring their hands. Just like Wei Dong said—he was only this young, and so pitiful…

Is that sympathy?

Qin Youyou laughed disparagingly.

From the first time he walked in to that small park one evening where someone pressed him against a dark corner and pulled off his pants, the words “honour” and “dignity” no longer stirred in his heart. Realising that he had no other option, the teenager who had nobody to rely on—not a friend in the world, his family bankrupt and the people dead[1]—he needed to get together enough money so he would no longer struggle.

He felt that he should be living in hell—this is penalty received for being gay and harming his family, harming his home.

He did not regret having to sell himself. But he never thought he would one day long for innocence again.

Longing for Wei Dong, and wishing to remain by his side.

He really has grown a thick skin—thick enough to be shameless, and also a little delusional.

Qin Youyou wondered. He didn’t know what Wei Dong really thought of him. But no matter how he looked at it, he couldn’t control it—he only knew that he wasn’t willing to let him go. He was sure he did not want to let go of this opportunity to get closer to warmth.

Wei Dong was the ultimate warmth. His heart, his body, his words, his expressions, and every single movement was so tender it was enough to make Qin Youyou want to cry. He wanted to stick to him—he wanted to encase himself in this person. He wished desperately for that warmth.

Wei Dong had told him before that he needs to keep a slither of hope in his heart, waiting for the turning point so he would have the courage to grab it.

When he said that, Wei Dong probably didn’t think that he would become that ray of light that Qin Youyou wanted to grab on to.

It’s human nature to instinctively grow closer to things they yearn for.

And what Qin Youyou yearned for, well, that was everything Wei Dong had to offer.

Qin Youyou finished eating and then walked around the flat aimlessly. There wasn’t anything to tidy up—as before, everything was neat and tidy.

Wei Dong’s love for neatness was a bit unexpected. The stereotype of an older single man is someone living in a mess, but this mess was not present at all on Wei Dong.

Qin Youyou remembered the relaxing scent of his hair and neck, the warmth of his dry palms. He always gave him a feeling of security and comfort.

Qin Youyou sat there for a while, lost in thought. Then he got up, picked up his backpack, and walked out.

Today he didn’t have plans to go to work. Today, he wanted to go to the Centre for Disease Control to get checked out.

If you want something, you need to fight for it—you cannot wait for someone told hold out their hands and present it to you. That is a fantasy.

It doesn’t matter if he has thick skin. It doesn’t matter if he is rejected once or twice. Ego and such things are useless to him—he’s already had his trampled all over.

Right now, he only wanted Wei Dong—he wants to capture him. He wants this person, and to belong wholeheartedly to him. He wants to get the report that proves he eligible, that there’s still a chance that he can start over and live like a normal person.

Wei Dong really never looked down on Qin Youyou. He is inherently not someone who would harshly criticise others. And he knows Qin Youyou is a good person.

The machinery on the construction site was rumbling. Wei Dong was a skilful excavator, even with his head full of thoughts.

Even though their acquaintance had begun from an intolerable transaction, from beginning to end, Wei Dong was unable to associated that dark stain with Qin Youyou.

Qin Youyou’s eyes, his smile, the way he occasionally revealed his true feelings, his moods… All of these things could be summed up with a single word: pure.

The first time he had watched Qin Youyou, injured and falling apart, laying himself bare, he had said, “You’re not dirty. You’re clean.”

Qin Youyou was so pure, the first time Wei Dong had had gently dilated him in the dim public toilet, his eyes had flushed red with surprise. Following that, after bringing home when Wei Dong went downstairs to buy medicine in the middle of the night, he’d stood at the door uneasily, his bare feet on the ground. When Wei Dong covered his feet with slippers, he’d grabbed hold of Wei Dong, burying his face in his arms, in a deep and silent embrace.

Wei Dong thought too much. And he was always thinking of Qin Youyou holding his hand, trembling as he confessed his love…

Wei Dong sighed heavily.

What he’d said to Qin Youyou was the truth. He helped him not for a transaction, not wanting to get anything out of it. He only saw his distress, and only wanted to give him a helping hand.

If Qin Youyou feels the need to pay him back by any means, that was never Wei Dong’s original intention.

Wei Dong took advantage of a gap in work and lit a cigarette.

Actually, it’s not completely without conditions. Wei Dong’s only condition was that he hoped that Qin Youyou would never go back to that small park again.

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[1] 家破人亡 idiom. Literally poor family and the people are dead.