Chen Yushen was due to go back to university soon. With this came the realisation that he wouldn’t have many more opportunities to see him, so he didn’t care for Qin Youyou’s wishes. Just as before, the car would park across the road every now and again, but apart from this action where he just watched silently, he didn’t do anything else.

It didn’t matter if the people working alongside him were completely dull, anybody could guess what the situation was. When they had a bit of free time, Liu-ge couldn’t help but ask Qin Youyou about it.

“You and that Chen Yushen…” he pointed across the road with his chin. “You two are…?”

Qin Youyou was holding up his thermos cup to drink water. His face flushed and he didn’t know how to explain.

“Absolutely infatuated,” Liu-ge held a cigarette in one hand and scratched the back of his head. “He’s here almost every day, like the Amah Rock[1].”

Qin Youyou stared outside, then lowered his head without saying anything.

Liu-ge frowned. “I see you don’t appreciate it. Is he bothering you?”

Qin Youyou’s eyelashes quivered but he still remained silent.

Liu-ge sighed. “Your face has a naïve air about it. It’s no wonder people try to take advantage of you.”

Qin Youyou spoke quietly. “Its… It’s not like that.”

“Does your family know about this?” Liu-ge asked.

Qin Youyou nodded. “My boyfriend knows.”

“Wheeze—” Liu-ge suddenly turned his face around, choking on his cigarette smoke and started coughing. After coughing for a bit he turned his head back with a look of incredulity. “You have a boyfriend?”

“Aah…” Qin Youyou chuckled nervously. “I have… I have a partner now…”

“Aha. I’ve underestimated you,” Liu-ge was truly surprised.

Qin Youyou smiled, then lowered his head to take another sip.

Liu-ge stared at him, seemingly deep in thought. Blowing out smoke he asked, “What? You think I’m biased?”

Qin Youyou’s eyes creased and he shook his head.

“Then you underestimate me too. This kind of thing isn’t an issue to me, I don’t mind. Love whoever you want.”

Qin Youyou grinned. “Thank you, Liu-ge.”

Actually, to say that Chen Yushen was bothering wasn’t correct. After all, he didn’t do anything further than just sit outside.

Qin Youyou just didn’t want to go crazy worrying about this situation. Even though Chen Yushen was constantly in his field of vision, so long as he didn’t approach, he would just pretend not to see him.

Qin Youyou subconsciously believed that Chen Yushen was someone who valued his reputation. Just like when he’d drawn up the boundary between them back then, it was also this instinct to preserve his appearance, even though this instinct was filled with selfishness and callousness. Qin Youyou no longer wanted to dwell on it. Perhaps long ago he’d accepted the reality—hatred was pointless and couldn’t change a thing. Now, he only wanted to bring a swift conclusion to everything.

He now has Wei Dong. He doesn’t want his life to be stuck in the past.

That afternoon, Liu-ge and the rest weren’t in the studio. Qin Youyou had just finished tidying up. Seeing it was basically time to leave, he prepared to lock up and go home.

Chen Yushen got out of his car and made his way over from the distance.

“I’m leaving tomorrow to go back to university,” he stood in front of Qin Youyou and spoke.

Qin Youyou stared at him. He nodded expressionlessly. “Then I’ll wish you well.”

“Would you like to go for a meal?” Chen Yushen’s voice was soft.

“No thanks,” Qin Youyou hitched his backpack strap over him. “I do not want to eat a meal with you.”

“Youyou…” Chen Yushen’s brows crinkled. He sighed softly. “I’m going back to university tomorrow, and I don’t know when I’ll see you again…”

“That’s for the best. It should have been this way from the start.” Qin Youyou didn’t feel like speaking. He walked around him, wanting to leave.

Chen Yushen grabbed his arm. “Youyou, there’s still things I want to say to you. After I’ve said it, I guarantee I’ll never bother you again, okay?” By the end he was gasping, seemingly have used all his strength to say this.

Qin Youyou ripped away from him. “Fine. Then speak.”

“In the car? It’s more convenient to talk in the car.”

Qin Youyou hesitated for a second, but didn’t refuse.

The two of them sat in the car. Chen Yushen wanted to start the car but Qin Youyou spoke. “Don’t start it. You can say what you want to say, and when you’re done, I’m leaving.”

Chen Yushen pulled his hand back. After a long silence he spoke. “Last time you said you have a boyfriend. Did you lie to me? Did you say it on purpose to me?”

“Nope.” Qin Youyou stared back at him.

“Don’t lie to me, Youyou,” Chen Yushen looked at him. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to have another boyfriend.”

Qin Youyou’s mouth curled but he didn’t say anything.

“I’ve hurt you before, and after experiencing that, you probably… You don’t believe in relationships anymore, huh?” Chen Yushen continued.

Qin Youyou was speechless.

Chen Yushen exhaled. “Youyou, I still like you.”

Qin Youyou was startled. He stared at him.

“I don’t know what happened these past few years, but speaking for myself, I’ve never let go. Perhaps there’s too much guilt for me to let go. But I’m sorry, Youyou. I’ve been wanting to make up for how I’ve wronged you, that’s why I kept looking for you. But when I finally saw you, I realised I wanted more than that…”

“Stop speaking,” Qin Youyou turned away.

“I like you, Youyou. More than I liked you before. Before, I was too young, too much of a coward, but I’m not like that anymore. I can protect you. I won’t allow anything to hurt you again. Can you—”

“I don’t need it,” Qin Youyou glared. “I don’t care. Our past is cleared off, that there is no future to speak of. You and I ended long ago, Chen Yushen.”

“Why cleared off?” Chen Yushen gripped the steering wheel, his face scrunched up. “The pain that I caused you is so severe, it’s impossible to be cleared off by anybody. Why don’t you hate me? I can’t understand that. Because, I can think of only one reason…”

Qin Youyou turned his face away to look out the window.

“You haven’t let me go, Youyou. Deep down, you still like me. That’s why you don’t hate me, right? You’ve been waiting for me to come back all this ti—”

“Wake up, Chen Yushen!” Qin Youyou interrupted him. “I’m not that cheap!”

“Then other than that, what else can it be? I can’t think of anything else!” Chen Yushen’s emotions were spinning.

“Because you don’t deserve it! Chen Yushen, you don’t even deserve my hatred! Back then, every day all I could think about was how to hold on and nothing else! But now? There’s nothing for you in my heart, not even dregs are left.”

“I don’t believe—”

“Whatever,” Qin Youyou’s voice turned cold. “Whether you believe me or not doesn’t matter. I’ve said what I said.” He shifted his body and reached to open the car door.

Chen Yushen suddenly grabbed his shoulder. “Youyou, even if there’s nothing in your heart for me, let me try again with you, okay? We can try again, like the first time. Together, we can make up for the regrets in the past…”

“Let go of me,” Qin Youyou started to panic. He tried pulling away from Chen Yushen and struggled to open the door, but Chen Yushen’s grip was unrelenting.

“Youyou, these last few years I haven’t been able to sleep well. Do you know how much this has weighed on my heart?”

“Let go of me!” Qin Youyou’s eyes turned red.

Chen Yushen looked at his ashen face. A face he knew well. That slender shoulder—the one he’d held countless time before—was now gripped in his hand. Looking into those two frightened red eyes, he couldn’t help it. He leaned over to kiss him.

“Ah!” Chen Yushen felt a stab of pain. Blood streamed from his lip—Qin Youyou had viciously bitten him.

While Chen Yushen was momentarily stunned, Qin Youyou’s hand reached over to claw at the door handle and frantically scurry out the car.

He didn’t look back.

---

[1] 望夫石 Husband watching stone. It’s a tale about a wife who waited every day for her husband to return home after he left, and she waited so long she turned to stone. There are various similar legends for the reason he left and how she was turned to stone, but that’s the gist of it.