After Chen Yushen left, Qin Youyou’s day became much more peaceful. Even though every so often unknown numbers would call or message, he would simply block them, not allowing it to drag him down.

Several times Wei Dong caught sight of the messages. He frowned. “Has that person’s soul still not dispersed[1]?”

“Don’t bother with it, Ge,” Qin Youyou told him. “You can see I don’t pay attention to it.”

Wei Dong urged him. “Be careful.”

Qin Youyou nodded. “Yup!”

The days flew by smoothly. In the blink of an eye, Qin Youyou’s birthday had come around.

Wei Dong naturally had a plan in mind. He’d bought the gift well in advance, intending for Qin Youyou to get a surprise.

But what Qin Youyou cares about isn’t the gift. When he thought about it, he realised that this year he wouldn’t be spending his birthday alone—he would celebrate together it with Wei Dong. This is the first birthday that the two of them would spend as a couple who had acknowledged and were committed to each other. This is the first birthday since he crawled out of the swamp of his past, and he felt the significance of this was unimaginably profound. The closer the day got, the more difficult it became to contain his delight, and just thinking about it made him secretly giggle.

Liu-ge and the rest had booked a restaurant, insisting on celebrating with this kid. Qin Youyou was very self-conscious about it, and tactfully declined, wanting to spend the time with Wei Dong instead.

“Don’t need to decline so politely,” Liue-ge said. “We’re not strangers. Tomorrow night invite him too. It’s been so long since we’ve all gone out together, so let’s all grab a meal together and get to know each other.”

Qin Youyou happily agreed to this. “Okay. When I go home, I’ll tell him.”

Qin Youyou was truly happy.

When you truly love someone, who couldn’t be a little selfish? Wanting to introduce your beloved to your friends and getting their approval and blessings… Actually, this isn’t selfishness. This is normal human nature.

Qin Youyou doesn’t care that his loved one is a man, and he didn’t care if other people thought he’s strange because of it. He doesn’t care about that. Same sex relationships are also relationships, gay people in love are also people in love. He loves Wei Dong—that’s an undeniable fact.

Getting off work, Qin Youyou’s mood was soaring. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible to tell Wei Dong about the next evening and was barely able to contain himself. He’d previously thought about when the time eventually came, how he and Wei Dong would stand in front of people, together as a lovers, and now, hadn’t the opportunity just presented itself? There couldn’t be a more appropriate time than this.

His heart was full of elation. But he didn’t expect that what waited was an argument instead.

Qin Youyou doesn’t usually argue. He is not someone who enjoys arguing. But when he excitedly told Wei Dong about the birthday dinner the next evening, the hesitation on Wei Dong’s face slowly chilled his attitude.

“I’m not going, Youyou.” Wei Dong said with a smile.

“Why not?” Qin Youyou asked.

“… Because it’s not appropriate.” Wei Dong answered.

“Why is it not appropriate?”

Wei Dong didn’t want to explain again. He felt a little helpless. “You guys go out and have fun, and have a good time. I’ll wait at home for you, okay?”

Qin Youyou shook his head. “I want you to come with.”

Wei Dong remained silent.

“Liu-ge and the rest are very nice. The entire time, they’ve been very good to me, and they want to get to know you. They know you’re my boyfriend and even said I must bring you with, so we can share a meal and get to know each—”

“Hmm, I get it,” Wei Dong nodded, tipping his cigarette ash, but said nothing further.

Qin Youyou pursed his lips. Eventually he spoke. “Then I’m also not going. I’ll tell them tomorrow.”

“Don’t,” Wei Dong laughed. “You must go. Go and have some fun with them.”

“I want to spend my birthday together with you.”

“Didn’t I say it? I’ll wait at home for you, and when you come back, we’ll eat cake together.”

Qin Youyou glared at Wei Dong and suddenly had a feeling… A feeling of, once he peeled away his own wishful delusions, with regards to this person, he actually couldn’t hold him close nor kiss him deeply—it was all just an illusion.

In this split second he understood it.

Wei Dong didn’t want to stand with him in front of people, and also didn’t want to show himself as his boyfriend. No matter how good he is to Qin Youyou behind closed doors, no matter how much he loves him, he was aware that there would always be this shadow hanging over their relationship. The present and the future are separated, and no matter how much he likes this kid, in his heart he’s told himself that the position of being Qin Youyou’s boyfriend is only temporary. If someone better comes along in the future, he’ll run off at any time.

He’d said it before, and he’d said it countless times—it was for Qin Youyou’s own good.

Qin Youyou’s heart dropped. He sat down without saying a word, his breathing slow and heavy.

Wei Dong held his face. “Don’t be unhappy, Youyou. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for me to join in with you younger people…”

“Why isn’t it appropriate?” Qin Youyou glared at him, his eyes once again filled with seriousness from before.

Wei Dong paused. Using the hand holding the cigarette, he rubbed his temple with his thumb. “It’s not right to let people know that you have a boyfriend of my age, and who is a construction worker. It’s shameful, so don’t let other people know…”

“Why shouldn’t they know? You’re my boyfriend, and I feel you treat me well and are good. Why does it matter what other people think about it?”

Wei Dong sensed something was wrong with what he heard. The tone wasn’t right.

Qin Youyou’s emotional state was clearly angry, and this anger was mixed with hurt that couldn’t be contained.

His heart was broken.

Wei Dong knew he couldn’t continue speaking, so he stopped talking.

The living room was silent.

After a long time, Qin Youyou stood up. “I understand, Ge.”

He walked towards the bedroom and stopped at the door. Turning around to look at Wei Dong, he asked him, “Since the beginning, you never really did think about being with me for a lifetime, did you?”

Wei Dong looked at him, feeling like his stomach dropped.

Qin Youyou didn’t cry. He didn’t make a scene. He didn’t throw a tantrum. He stood silently there, staring at Wei Dong.

“I always said that my actions are my proof. The proof that I want to stay with you for the rest of my life. I said I would do it for you to see, but actually… You never actually wanted to see it, huh? Because you don’t want those things. You don’t want me, or the future with me. You never actually wanted it.”

The cigarette in his hand had mostly burned up. Wei Dong was still looking at Qin Youyou, his brows deeply furrowed.

“Is this what you mean when you say you love me?” Qin Youyou snorted. “Don’t say anything else about it being for my own good, or that one day I’ll find someone better, Wei Dong. Actually, other people don’t know what type of person I am, but don’t you know? The two of us truly aren’t a good match, but not because I’m too good for you—I sold my flesh, so it’s me who’s not good enough for you.”

“Qin Youyou!” Wei Dong jumped up suddenly, the ash scattering everywhere.

Qin Youyou’s deathly pale face had a trace of a smile. His expression was miserable.

“It’s okay… Forget it, Ge. You don’t need to torment me,” he turned around and walked in to the bedroom, leaving behind a single sentence. “Between you and Chen Yushen, you are no different.”

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[1] 阴魂不散 the soul of the deceased has not yet dispersed, i.e, Chen Yushen’s still hanging around.